Luddee: Brother Hasnaad, please tell us about the concept of the “un-altered” Quran.
Brother Hasnaad: Asalaam alaikum dear sister Luddee. Muslims know that the Quran has been un-altered and is in its very original farm.
Brother Hasnaad: Vat?
Luddee: So you mean everything in the Quran is the word of an omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being?
Brother Hasnaad: Yes.
Luddee: And he gets angry, does he? For example, in Noah’s flood.
Brother Hasnaad: It wasn’t Nuh alaysalaam’s flood! It was Allah SWT’s flood! And yes he cursed all life on earth.
Nadhi: Even the moo moo cow and the baa baa sheep?
Brother Hasnaad: Yes! Everything drowned except the ones Nuh alaysalaam took with him on his ship.
Luddee: But what about the fish?
Luddee: So today we have Ms.American Muslimah with us, to share her perspective on people of other faith in the cultural melting pot that is America.
Ms. American Muslimah: You know, I once went to a Hindu restaurant in my hijab… and everyone just stared me. I felt so self conscious!
Luddee: Aw, I feel for you.
Ms. American Muslimah: Oh well. Hindus are weird anyways; did you know that they think if a monkey enters their house, their business will boom!?
Nadhi: hahaha they’re so silly.
Luddee: I’m sure they think the same about the belief in Jinns.
Ms. American Muslimah: *surprised… pauses to think* Well everyone knows Jinns exist.
Luddee: We’ve got Geert Wilders with us today, here to talk about his love of Muslims.
Geert Wilders: Ja! “Luve of Muzlims” ees right, because I don’t hate ze people… I only hate ze idea zat drives ze basturdz; Izlam.
Luddee: How intellectual.
Nadhi: So why do you hate Islam?
Geert Wilders: zere is something about zat ideology zat makes zem violent!
Nadhi: But most Muslims are not violent!
Geert Wilders: zen why are most terrorists Muslims? I’ll tell you why; it ees becauze terrorists are attracteed to violent ideologies like Izlam.
Luddee: Yes… yes I see your point. In fact here’s another thing; terrorists are mostly males.
Nadhi: *looks suspiciously at Geert*
Geert Wilders: But zat is ridiculous. You do not chooz to be male! Izlam is a choice. Zay are reesponsible for zis.
Luddee: And males choose to be terrorists.
Nadhi: *looks suspiciously at Geert again*
Geert Wilders: But most males do not make zat choi… oh.
According to this report in the New Scientist;
WHEN we fall under the spell of a charismatic figure, areas of the brain responsible for scepticism and vigilance become less active. That’s the finding of a study which looked at people’s response to prayers spoken by someone purportedly possessing divine healing powers.
Luddee: Mr. Muhammad, you’re an engineer and a Pakistani immigrant to the U.S. You have been living there for a couple of years, so please tell us; has your opinion of Pakistan, Pakistani politics or even of Pakistanis changed?
Mr.Muhammad: With pleasure. I actually do have a problem with my fellow Pakistanis; they’re always blaming the U.S for bomb blasts and sectarian violence in Pakistan. It’s ridiculous.
Luddee: That’s a very reasonable point of view.
Nadhi: I’m not sure I agree.
Mr.Muhammad: Nadhi, I live with Americans. I work with Americans. I would even say that Americans are my friends. Therefore, I know their character; they are more interested in business than in destruction… and Pakistan does not have oil, so why blame the U.S for all that?
Mr.Muhammad: And let’s not forget that America is half way across the world!
Luddee: What does that have to do wi-
Mr.Muhammad: They should blame a country closer by; INDIA!
Mr.Muhammad: and we do have reasons to blame India.
Luddee: Oh, good… justification as well.
Nadhi: It’s the icing on the cake.
“If god didn’t create you, then who did?”, asked the wise man to guffaws of laughter from the faithful. The atheist buried her forehead between her index finger and thumb, wondering how to change their concept of “who” to “what”, without it sounding like she was avoiding the question.
“It may have been Ethidium’s cousin” she finally replied.
“Who!?” they asked.
Ethidium’s cousin may have created all life, playing the role of a midwife to a few nucleotides, so that they could form long strands of RNA molecules… see here.
Luddee: Welcome back! This is Luddee and Nadhi, and today’s guest is Ms.Dominatrix. She is here to talk about issues of the modern feminist, as she recently did with NPR. She used to be a sex worker, playing out sexual fantasies where she domineered over men.
Nadhi: But she quit that job citing conflicts with her feminist philosophy. Ms.Dominatrix, please tell us what conflicts those were.
Ms.Dominatrix: Thank you for the kind introduction. You see, when I first started as a dominatrix, I felt that it was the ultimate feminist ideal; I was doing the kinds of things to men that they liked doing to my kind and what’s more, I felt sexy while being in charge. But then I realized I was humiliating myself more than I was humiliating them. I was, in the end, doing what they wanted me to do. It was still their fantasy.
Luddee: I suppose from that perspective, it was their fantasy. But from your own perspective, it was your fantasy as well. Why abandon your own perspective and adopt theirs? Isn’t that looking at the situation from their perspective, thereby making them the dominant one?
Ms.Dominatrix: No no no… I figured them out. They don’t want me to stop playing a part in their fantasy, and I was able to figure this out using my innate female insight that we are all blessed with!
Luddee: And using what makes you uniquely female, you deprived men of their satisfaction?
Nadhi: YAYYYY victory for feminism! In fact, that reminds me of this one time when I was driving and I hit this man trying to cross the road. At first, I was so upset but then I used my female insight just like you and figured out that the man just wanted me to be upset… so I stopped being his slave too!