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July 20, 2008

Nadhi: Hullo peoples, welcome back to another fantastic episode of Silsila Jahilliya. This is your host Nadhi…

Luddee: And Luddee! Thank you so much for joining us. Today we have a guest, Brother Husnaad, who is here to discuss the Sudan crisis.

Brother Husnaad: Salwaam alaikum Luddee aur Nadho baji.

Nadhi: As one of the political analysts for the Pakistan government, you hold an important position because you’re able to explain issues and situations to the executive cabinet, and they act upon your advice.

Brother Husnaad: Sahi, sahi… it is true, insha’allah.

Luddee: We heard that a foreign teacher was given a 15 day jail sentence for allowing one of her Sudanese students to name a teddy bear “Muhammad”.

Brother Husnaad: Yes that is absolutely true. Very very true. You are completely correct, except some of the details are different, baji. This is why the Pakistan government needs me; so I can tell which is fact and which is propaganda of enemy countries.

Nadhi: Which details are different? And which countries are you talking about?

Brother Husnaad: Well it is nothing major different but it is this: it wasn’t teddy beer, it was his father’s cow. And I think you know the countries. I can’t say here because it would be political problem for the government.

Luddee: Okay… But I’m sure it was a teddy bear!

Nadhi: Yeah me too yaar.

Brother Husnaad: No no, it was his father’s cow. And the boy did not name the cow, he just took it out for a walk late night. Raath ko tehelnay gaya thaa.

Luddee: Why would he take it out for a walk late night!?

Brother Husnaad: They’re Sudanese.

Nadhi: What!? This is making no sense at all! Why would the teacher be given a 15 day prison sentence because she allowed a boy to take his cow out late night!?

Luddee: Brother Husnaad, you’re making a fool out of us!

Brother Husnaad: Baji you were the one saying she was given sentence because of naming a teddy beer.

Nadhi: Tuchy!!

Luddee: You mean touche`?

Nadhi: Whatever. So Brother Husnaad, tell us what really happened?

Brother Husnaad: Well, first you must think like this; where you hear about this jungly story of prison sentences for naming teddy beers?

Luddee: I’ve read the stories and cross referenced them across the internet!

Nadhi: You know Luddee, now that I think about it, the internet is not very reliable. Anyone can blog all the lies they want and it’s extremely easy to change Wikipedia pages…

Brother Husnaad: Yes Nadho baji! Now you’re getting the point! Luddee behen, you must think about this some more.

Luddee: You both are crazy! I’ve read this in newspapers everywhere! Plus, why would a teacher be given a 15 day sentence because some boy took a cow for a walk late night???

Brother Husnaad: Good question! But you must ask the question clearly like this; why would a teacher be given a 15 day prison sentence for naming a teddy beer Muhammad!??

Nadhi: Because Sudanese are intolerant? A little crazy?

Luddee: And that wasn’t my question!

Brother Husnaad: Bajis you both are under influence of some nasty propaganda. First thought; cow was stolen by her and that’s why she was given 15 day prison sentence. On second thought, Sudanese are our brothers. Please don’t call them crazy, this is propaganda speak!

Nadhi: I’m not so sure…

Brother Husnaad: Think about it Nadho baji.

Luddee: Just what kind of advice have you been giving our government!? Our alternative explanation sounds a little silly, but still, your explanation just doesn’t add up!

Brother Husnaad: That’s because I haven’t told you where else your story is being wrong. Ghalut! Chee!

Nadhi: Where?

Brother Husnaad: The teacher was not a woman, but a man… and not a teacher, but a well known bandit.


From → Essays

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